Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
