question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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