I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
