shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
