we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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