me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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