dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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