Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
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