it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
