When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
