When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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