your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just found a bag of teeth...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
