pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
