You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
