Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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