I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Dick very happy bro
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
