i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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