honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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