you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
