I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
they need to just BURY HIM!
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
