Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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