Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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