I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
im holly from the hills drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
