I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
