my sisters under your porch take her home
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
