Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
