they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize
