And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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