You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Someone signed my nipple.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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