It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize
