Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
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