i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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