Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
