I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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