so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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