i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
