We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i just google imaged poop.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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