i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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