I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
