guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
