Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
