ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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