He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
