Soap is not a condiment
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
