it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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