On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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