You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
did you just send me my own nude
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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