Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
