Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
