she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
