thus making me awesome and them whores
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
