Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
