why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
