You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
