I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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