I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
