There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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